" Jennifersmiled "So be it, young lady, - Correction girls, this is Susan Brown,who will take her place in form 3g, and I will inform the schoolsecretary accordingly." Jennifer turned and embraced me, whispering,"That's the spirit! I like a girl with spunk!" I reddened slightly."Hardly likely if I'm ever to be a real girl, - not that I am old enoughfor that yet!" - Jennifer squeezed my hand - "We might have to beGIRLS, but that doesn't mean being WIMPS, does it?" Then to myembarrassment, in front of the whole school, she planted a sloppy kisson my cheek! But then the other girls crowded round until I felt morelike a wet sponge than a rookie schoolgirl! When I arrived in myclassroom I went over to sit in my usual place in the far corner of theroom, but Emily patted her bench and called out - "Susan, come and sitnext to me." -and as I took my new place she squeezed my hand. "Thankyou for what you did this morning, now you will always be my number onefriend." - "I didn't want to. I was pushing 40 and long gone was my “twinkiness.” I was exclusively watching gay or transsexual videos/pictures. I became obsessed and confused. I’m not sure if I was being brainwashed, but my feminine side was clawing its way to the surface and my thoughts were changing. I knew there was zero chance of ever following through with a transition. Of course I wouldn’t get breast implants. Of course I wouldn’t take hormones. Of course I wouldn’t leave the house dressed like a woman. First off, I’m just too damn shy and self-conscious about that. Secondly, my family is very conservative and I’d be disowned—written out of the will. Guaranteed. Third off, my girlfriend, who is also very conservative, has expressed great disdain for “those types of people.” She would, without a doubt, leave me. If those things happened, I would most likely grab a 12 pack of beer, go out in the garage on a 20 degrees-below-zero February night, start up the car, put on some Pink Floyd, and slip away into.
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